What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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