I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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