Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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