So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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