I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
