last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
