Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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