I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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