Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
