can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
