when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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