kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
