i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
