the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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