you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
