a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
