I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
