You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
