Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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