anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
