Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
