i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
