I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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