thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
