around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
