Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"

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(613): View more from Ontario

You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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(206): View more from Washington

My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I like the way you think.

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(330): View more from Ohio

If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

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(212): View more from New York

You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore

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