I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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