I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
