good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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