so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize