It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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