Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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