Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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