Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
