can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
