how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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