I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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