So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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