Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
