so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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