Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
