He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
