I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
