this beer tastes like vomit already
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
