You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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