apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
