I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
