dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sponge bath it is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
