Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
