That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
