His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
