Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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