A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
