i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
