You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
