you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
