Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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