I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
