Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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