Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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